Ajit Vadakayil: SOME SWEET PAIN - CAPT AJIT VADAKAYIL

NOSTALGIA causes interaction with deep rooted emotions and feelings within the psyche. It can be a difficult emotion and trigger sadness , at it is a recall of past events and old emotions .

It gives you a dull pain inside the heart , as you know there is no reverse gear— paradoxically Utopia in reverse.

Old events can never happen again. Old personalities can never be the same again.

A feeling of sadness and longing is not akin to pain, and resembles sorrow only as mist resembles the rain.

Some magic inside the subconscious mind -- past becomes present for that fleeting moment , with emotional chords doing that sweet twang!.

I found some old pictures-- it reminded me that I used to be young.

Above is my wife 47 years ago. Their 200 year old ancestral tharavadu house , which they sold -- is now converted to a church.

Above is my elder son, who is now a computer engineer. Real Amul baby he was.

This is my wife's school ( Auxilium convent , Mumbai ) gang--who came to visit my container ship at Mumbai. I guess they believed that I was the Captain of a huge ship - only after seeing the Abandon ship Muster list posted on the notice board.

To be frank I used to look young for my age. When this ship went to USA in 1984, the US Coast Guard came to my cabin, started whispering KHUSSR PHUSSSR to each other, and then they went to the alleyway for further secret discussions and parleys . Finally they came back inside and wanted to see my passport and Seaman's book.

I asked them- why?

The Chief of this USCG six man boarding party said " Captain don't you think you are too young to cross the Atlantic!". So I told them off " This is my third ship as Captain, and I have crossed two larger oceans Pacific and Indian . And my wife is in the bedroom-- I am NOT the Captain's son . You are excused, as while entering New York today, the Pilot came on bridge and tells my Cadet - GOOD MORNING CAPTAIN - and gives him the newspaper!"

Above picture is me and mE wife-- at our honeymoon.

Above picture is me as a young Second Mate. The cycle was used by the Duty officer for his rounds. Taking a round of that (VLCC tanker) on deck meant walking nearly ONE KILOMETER.

That is me as a Chief officer with 3 stripes. " Third Mate-- call me when it is time to do COW ( Crude oil wash )!"

Enjoying a swim 16 years ago!

I allow my Cadets to run free. I believe if young COLTS must win the jackpot later in life, you cant crush their spirits early in life. I remember this particular cadet came to for advise. He had always ignored his girlfriend who kept throwing herself at him. Now he is feeling a wee bit bad for she has just won "MISS INDIA contest!"

When my wife first sailed with me in 1983, she cornered me one day.

She demanded " I want to know how you earn your wages. You do nothing throughout the day. You wake up at 9 AM, by the time you sit on your desk it is 10 AM. Between 10 and 10:45 whoever grabs your signature , gets it. The Purser comes at 1046, and you tell him --sorry it is my beer time. Then you have your lunch and go to sleep. At 4:30PM after tea, you go down and play TT and bullshit around playing TEEN PATTHI . Then you take a bath, have a beer and go for dinner. Then you write your night orders after having some discussions with the Chief officer and Chief Engineer on bridge and come down to watch a movie. Then you go to sleep . There goes another day--

How do you earn your wages?"

I replied " Patience baby! Captain is meant to command and not to work. He will work only when warranted -- this is the way the cookie crumbles at sea!"

Then my non ice class ship had to load cargo at a port . Fantastic freight cargo was waiting in a pack ice bound port. All ice-class ships had got stuck, damaged their bows and propeller . The ice breakers were rescuing only stuck ships-- and if you get stuck in pack ice, your turn could come 3 weeks later!"

For three days I was on the bridge doing ice navigation. Cannot come down for a crap or even to brush my teeth.

You get stuck , then you have to reverse engines, putting your propeller in danger. You over speed or hit OLD HARD white ice, you bows can be kissed good bye.

My wife used to bring my toothpaste on bridge and to give me a neck massage. Finally when we reached the ice bound port everybody were surprised-- as my ship was NOT ice class.

I went down to sleep after arrival formalities, tossing around -- my body supercharged with adrenaline .

My wife whispered in mE ear " Now I now know how you earn your wages!"

There are many "hard working" Captains at sea. Almost all of them are incompetent-- they need to prove their worth to their crew -- by working hard, or sleeping on the bridge / CCR sofa . The Captains job is to provide a safe roof over the heads of his crew !

I have been lucky-- nearly 3 decades in command--- never damaged my ship even once, even a berthing bump on a ill fendered jetty, after more than a thousand berthings !-- luck plays a major factor here.