A couple of years ago, after I came home on vacation, I had gone for a function with my wife. There I met my younger son’s classmate’s father.
During the course of our polite conversation he asked me I f I knew that my son is getting bullied in school.
I said “ He is the tallest and heaviest guy in his class- how can anybody dare to bully him.
He replied “ Your wife will know the bully, he is the class leader and 4 years older than the rest of the class “
On the drive back home I asked my wife , whether she knew anything about it.
She said he has never come home with torn clothes. I asked her about missing pens , not wanting to go to school , or some signs like that.
She said “ Yes, he does NOT like to go to school. Sometimes he comes back with his compass box or pen missing . I have already bought three new ones in the last 3 months. Certain days he comes back home without eating his lunch packed in the tiffin box. He appears disturbed while studying at home . But the class leader is the boy who gives me notes , whenever Aashik has missed school. Poor chap, his parents are in Dubai and he is all alone , staying with some far off relatives “.
At home , I confronted my son . He came out with the truth, after some arm twisting .
My son was the butt of all the practical jokes of the bully -- he would throw things at him in class. – he would be teasing him in front of the whole class and girls constantly—
I told my wife “ Tomorrow , though it is a holiday for younger kids --first thing in the morning we will be going to the school and I will speak to the Principal and class teacher “
At school I told the Principal “ I want to speak to you in front of my son’s teachers. It is about my son getting bullied in your school. If I don’t see a good receptive attitude from you, I will put unbearable heat on the school “
Pretty soon we had 3 teachers in the Principals room.
I asked them if they knew my son was getting bullied.
All the 3 of them said “ Yes!. We though you knew. Your son get bullied by children half his size , just because he does NOT retaliate, so they get encouraged “
I told them “ I have hung a sand bag in my house since he was 5 years old. I have taught him personally how to destroy anybody in physical contact OR even to kill a fully grown up adult. But I have told him never ever to attack anybody, So may be this is why he is getting bullied. This bullying will stop tomorrow within one hour of school opening—I will do it my way. All I am asking you is to turn a Nelsons eye. Though my 12 year old son is 5 feet 9 inches tall and 85 kilos in weight , the bully will NOT be hurt, he will only be humiliated ”.
I made a hefty donation to the principal’s school fund and we left.
On the way back my wife asked me “ Are you going to tell Aashik to beat up the bully. He can do it very easily, but then what if the bully relatiates by poking his eye with a compass needle ? “
I said “ I would rather have a one eyed son , than a coward with my blood running in his veins . This bully works safe in the assumption that there will be NO relatiation . At his age of 16, he wants to impress all the 13 year old girls , by taking on a bigger child. He suffers from resentment as his parents have left him alone and are in Dubai" .
" Bullying gives him release from his frustrations. This is a easy way out to displace internal aggression . It makes him feel empowered. Teasing, playing practical jokes, throwing things at you, hiding personal belongings, is all part of the bully’s tactics . The only way out is to take him head on , just once , without hurting him physically “
So after I reached home I told my son “ Tomorrow as soon as you go to school, the bully will start off as usual. He is just trying to be a hero in front of the girls by taking on a guy double his size. I want you to do this – now watch carefully. If you don’t do exactly what I tell you, when you come home in the evening I will kick your fuckin' ass. “
My son cried bitterly , for I was his ultimate hero, and had never beaten him or spoke to him rudely till then.
Next day—he went to school .
The bully came to him with his usual teasing games with the whole class watching.
My son bent him double, picked him off the ground whirled him around to upset his inner ear cochlea balance, and threw him 8 feet away. He lay there for a couple of minutes totally dazed , picked himself up and came charging . This time my son palmed his jaw, jerked his head backwards to upset the inner ear spirit level again, and shoved him so hard that he went flying again . It took some time for him regain his balance get up and slink away .
That was it.
The girls , two dozen of them were the first to start clapping , and then the rest of the class followed .
This was what all of them wanted. Before he left school for the day , this 16 year old bully taunted my son “ Next time you mother asks me for notes , I wont give it to her!”
The word spread all over school like wild fire – Aashik has beaten up the school bully. This came to my wife from several sources. Few parents thanked my wife as the previous year 3 childern left the school, unable to face this type of harassment. Complaining to the teachers made NO difference as the bully's parents were wealthy people from Dubai, and close to a school board member.
Six days later, a Karate black belt was to come and demonstrate his prowess in breaking tiles, to get more enrollment into the Karate club of school .
I told my son “ After this man finishes, I want you to go on stage and ask for one more tile and break it front of the whole school . I don’t care if you break your bone — make sure you do it “
His sweet spot was hard like steel — having pounded it on the hard sand bag a thousands of times over the years. The sweet spot bone micro fractures and gets mended several times over , and thus gets tough.
This art is something I had taught my son very early in life –to use the sweet spot 2 inches off the elbow ( toward the palm ) and smash the brick stack with lightning speed , arm back swing like a nanchaku, and using FULL body weight for follow through.
BE CAREFUL -- THIS TYPE OF SHOT ON A HUMAN BODY KILLS !
IT IS ALLOWED ONLY ON CONCRETE, FOR DEMONSTRATIONS -- DON'T GO TO THE ELECTRIC CHAIR BY BEING A FUCKIN' IDIOT !
Only fools break bricks with a wrist chop, as there are too many bones and cartilages at the tender wrist. A punch or chop can never be hard enough.
The next day my wife’s friend call up and says . “ Do you know that Aaskik has become famous in school by out smashing the black belt Karate instructor? ”
So in the evening my son comes back with the look of a cat who swallowed all the cream .
I asked him what was the reaction of the all students and teachers. He imitated them . There was a collective amazed involuntary gasp from hundreds of throats.
“ ENDEAMMMMOH!”
Goodbye bullies— forever !
When I was a small boy I used to be the “ official bully basher” .
Children at school who were bullied used to come and complain to me and I would take on the bullies who were twice my size.
I would kick the living shit out of them, including the principal’s son who was a bully. Almost every week I would come home with my uniform shirt torn. I broke my nose thrice.
I would kick the living shit out of them, including the principal’s son who was a bully. Almost every week I would come home with my uniform shirt torn. I broke my nose thrice.
So, imagine my distress to see both my sons so peace loving— and they don’t like to fight for a cause .
You don’t need to be physically tough like my son.
You just need to show guts, or fierce intent, or strength , or project unquantified danger – it is about making their balls ascend to their throats -- instant " Kundalini climb" style.
Let me give an example of a “show of strength” –
12 years ago we shifted to our new home . There was a nukkad where the poor unemployed youth used to spend their time gossiping or ogling at the girls passing by. From their base all could see my bungalow gates. So I took my 4 feet long sword, from the usual hiding place inside the almirah.
As soon as I started walking to the gates my wife came running. “What, are you up to? You want the show off your sword to those nukkad boys or what? “
I said “ NO, I am just taking insurance. Very soon I will be leaving home to join the ship, and you will be home alone with a 5 year old child , with NO neighbours around shouting distance”
So, I took my evil looking and extremely sharp sword outside the gates and pretended to cut off a few imaginary creepers and shrubs, all the time knowing a dozen pairs of eyes are watching every inch of my progress .
After I came back home for my stint on ship, my wife told me . Every house on the street lost their expensive gate lamps except our house on one dark rainy night.
What everybody is discussing is why only our house was spared. And then she says herself—I think it was the “sword effect”.
She is right.
Now let me talk about “UNquantified danger” --
Every time we went for a holiday I took my cold steel serrated dagger ( set me back by 400 US dollars ) along strapped to my waist.
My idea of a holiday was fast flowing clear water through rocks. Just lie down , get a free flowing water massage, relax in total privacy, with your family —
Every time my elder son used to ask me “ Daddy why do you take that dagger with you? “
I used to reply “ One day , you will see me using it. Till then patience , son !”
So while on holiday somewhere at the Karnataka border, I stopped the car to buy some cold Coke and chocolates. On the wall opposite the street , some youngsters were sitting –about 8 of them . As soon as they saw me and my spaced out beard , my wife and niece —they started making funny noises and yodeling catcalls.
So I told my elder son “ Now the time has come to show you what magic this dagger can do. I will raise my arms when I am out of this store and pretend to yawn with my hands high in the air. At that time this dagger will pop out from underneath my hiked up T shirt. Just watch , soak it in, and let me know later what you saw “
Later after we drove off , my son totally excited cried “ Daddy, you should have seen their faces, when they suddenly saw your knife. They all became silent and were sitting like stones “
I said “ Well, none of them bargained for the fact that they could lose their lives on that very wall, on which they were all so merry a few minutes ago !”
Let me give another example of “showing grave intent”.
7 months ago, my elder son had just come home from Cornell during his end of semester Christmas 2010 vacation. Myself , my wife and two children aged 23 and 16 went for a movie at a theatre in Calicut showing a 3D movie .
The theatre was full . There were 5 rowdie youngsters at the back row of the balcony making loud sounds, whistling , passing loud uncouth remarks , even breaking their chairs —we could hear the cracking sounds.
Immediately my wife held on to my arm, and said “ You are NOT gonna confront them . They are just having a ball, in a group. I am telling you. Meri kasam! ”
She held on to my arm so strong that that spot took 2 weeks to recover from compressed nerves and damaged muscle fibres.
At half time interval, as soon as I saw this gang going out for a smoke, I made an excuse that I have to go and take a leak. And then I doubled back to the spot where these trouble makers were sitting in a group , smoking and generally having a ball. They had their tails up, as all were giving them a wide berth.
So I went to them and said “ After the interval , when the movie starts, I don’t want to hear you guys at all -- If I hear you breathe , just see what I do to you. By the way, I am NOT police — I sit in the front row with my wife and two sons “
When I came back to my seat my wife and two sons asked me “ We know you talked to those men .What did you tell them?”
I told the truth “ I told them that I don’t want to hear them breathe. I did NOT tell them what I will do to them if they disobey— that is their problem to figure it out . Bullies always work on the preconceived notion that there will NOT be a severe price to pay. It is this feeling of safety which propels them “
20 minutes after the movie started again, the group of 5 quietly melted away in the darkness.
Later my elder genius son , who was never a fan of my tough acting , “taking on the world alone ” tactics , told his mother in private at the airport ” There was only one man in that movie hall holding hundreds , who could have silenced that rowdy gang, and he did it! ”
Now let me talk about "bullying at the workplace "--
Before going to Cornell for his ME in computer science, he worked for the biggest computer software company in India for 6 months-- just to get work experience, till he left India.
He stayed with a brilliant Bihari boy , together in a rented flat.
So one day my son called me up and asked me if I have some tips for painful stomach ulcers. He said his flatmate, suffers from it.
So i wanted to know what type of food he eats. My son said he has rarely eaten with him , that he goes to office by 7 AM and comes back at midnight, no Saturdays and Sundays .
I had a piece of advise-- I told my son never to get USED.
He replied that he goes to office at 9AM and comes back by 6 PM-- but the Bihari friend , was being used by his female boss.
She would constantly shout at him , she would work only between 9 to 5 will NOT come on Saturdays / Sundays . And that all the projects were powered by the fertile brains of his friend -- but she took all the credit personally , as trainees don't count.
I said " Tell your friend , that I told him this. Never ever get used. And this type of thing is NOT gonna help his ulcers. He MUST confront this Cruella De Ville."
Next day my excited son calls me up on the ship .
He said " His friend confronted her . He told her that he would report to her boss, that she does NOT have any brains , has NO dang clue what is happening , that she cannot understand the big picture or small picture of current ongoing high profile project with a major US software company, that she is just a parasite / middleman in the work place, but yet hogging all the team effort credit ,
-- that she has climbed this far up the ladder this slimy way--
but no more !".
Wonder of wonders-- that very hour she applied for 6 months of official long leave and left the office.
I guess she knew what she was worth. The only way this pretender female boss could continue was by twisting the arm of her team, by harassing, shouting, threatening --
It is your fault if you allow such a thing to happen to you in your workplace.
You are entitled to say NO to such mindless abuse.
NEXT TIME , CONFRONT A BULLY — JUST TRY IT -- BE SURPRISED --
MAKE SURE YOU LOOK INTO THEIR EYES.
DON’T SHOW FEAR , EVEN IF YOU ARE AFRAID.
MAKE THEM GET THAT BAD FEELING THAT THERE WILL BE A SEVERE PRICE TO PAY.
THE MORE SHIT YOU TAKE, THE MORE A BULLY WILL SHIT ON YOUR FACE.
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